For a fair and balanced geopolitical analysis at its best, why would you look anywhere other than supermarket tabloids? It’s probably a coincidence that this week’s two main stories both attack President Joe Biden, while Biden is tainted with association with Barack Obama, always dubbed “Public Enemy No.1” for daring to throw a party. in the midst of a pandemic – not to be confused with the thousands of maskless people who attend Trump rallies and are presumably to be recognized as real Americans.
“Biden’s Vietnam“screams the blanket.”Afghanistan falls and the Taliban win!“
It’s a fair game for the “Enquirer” to call Biden’s ordered withdrawal of US troops from Afghanistan “unequivocal disaster”, but the magazine could push the heightened threat of terrorist attacks on the American continent a little too far. .
“Sleeper Cells Unleashed in YOUR Hometown!” proclaims the title, which is quite an assertion, given that the “Enquirer” cannot know the location of every reader’s hometown. Or did the “Enquirer” learn that the Taliban have terrorist cells in every hometown in America?
Finally, the ‘Enquirer’ brings us news that we can use: “How to spot a terrorist and protect yourself.“
Among the clues that your best friend could be a terrorist: “They have a grudge against America … They use threatening language or incite others to commit violence … They store assault rifles, pistols or other weapons and / or materials used. for bomb-making. ”Sounds a lot like the average QAnon supporter.
Of course, the tabloids couldn’t pass a week without revisiting the scandal-ridden British royal family.
“Andrew reveals himself in Epstein’s new Tefr Sexual probe! Charles sics Scotland Yard on ruined royal. “
As if Prince Charles could order Scotland Yard to do whatever it wanted. He can not. It would be a major breach of protocol if Charles even suggested Scotland Yard look into anything.
Following a sexual abuse lawsuit against Prince Andrew in the United States earlier this month, Scotland Yard chief Cressida Dick simply said British police would reconsider her position but insisted: “for the moment, there is no investigation”.
More political news and analysis courtesy of The Globe, whose cover story reports: “Biden Blackmail Nightmare! The President’s Explosive Secret Emails Hacked! Russians have another laptop lost by son Hunter! “
For those who thought that Hunter, Biden’s troubled son, had lost only one offending laptop, the “Globe” informs us that he actually pulled off his hat trick, losing three. As Lady Bracknell might have said: losing a laptop can be considered a disaster; losing three sounds like recklessness.
Hunter Biden’s third laptop was reportedly stolen by “a trio of mysterious Russians in Las Vegas” after Hunter passed out in his hotel room. There is no evidence that there was anything incriminating about Hunter Biden or his father on the laptop, but wildly speculating, the ‘Globe’ reports: ” US intelligence fears the Commander-in-Chief may be the target of blackmail based on drug addict Hunter’s hacked emails and files! “
The report states that dark web publications offer to sell the “US President’s Secret” and “Biden Laptop Hard Drive Copy” for $ 5,000 in cryptocurrency. If they are genuine, how overwhelming can the secrets be that they are worth $ 5,000?
“Harry and Meghan hated in Hollywood!“The renegade royals have won lucrative deals with Netflix, Spotify and various publishers, allegedly without doing much about it, and now resentment is supposed to mount in Hollywood as they ‘sink into the D-List! “And all because they weren’t invited to Barack Obama’s ‘superspreader’ 60th birthday party earlier this month.
“Brazen Barack Brand Covid Superspreader!The former president’s 60th birthday party drew many guests to three days of celebrations on Martha’s Vineyard, but all were tested for Covid in advance and observed Covid protocols under the supervision of a coordinator of the coronavirus No one is known to have tested positive for the virus, but the “Globe” nonetheless reports that Martha’s Vineyard has seen an increase in infections – so Obama must be to blame. Local health officials say “we cannot know at this point “whether the Obama party caused even a single case of coronavirus on the island, but the ‘Globe’ continues to call Obama” Public Enemy No. 1 for his shocking behavior. “
“Why did a devoted father kill his two young children?“ask for the blanket
The answer seems to be: he was a supporter of QAnon. Isn’t that sufficient proof of a mental imbalance? Arrested for killing his children, Matthew Coleman told investigators that “his children had snake DNA and killing them was the only way to save the world.” If you believe Hollywood and the Democrats are running child sex networks and killing infants to drink their blood, it might not be that far-fetched to imagine your own children carrying snake DNA.
“Val Kilmer: I was not ready to die.” Someone ? As if he had a choice in the matter.
“Crisis in Afghanistan: We thought we had more time“said an evacuee. Think again.
“Escape Scientology,The cover proclaims. Actress Laura Prepon recently revealed that she left the cult five years ago, and other adherents have left the ship, including Lisa Marie Presley, Leah Remini, Katie Holmes and Jason Lee – all left several years ago. So apparently the church hasn’t had any major defections in Hollywood in years, but that doesn’t stop “Us” from declaring, “A church in crisis”, even though the cult still has his star names including Tom Cruise, John Travolta and KirstieAlley.
Fortunately, we have the ‘Us’ magazine crack investigation team to tell us that Gayle King wore it best (what did Kelly Clarkson and Amber Tamblyn even think?), Than the old one from’ Schitt’s Creek ‘Emily Hampshire suffers from “misophonia. If you eat with your mouth open, I may have to murder you!” and that the stars are like us: they feed the meter, chase their keys, carry two glasses at a time and “have difficulty walking with snorkeling fins”. Exciting, as always.
Forward and down. . .