What about this thing we have with the appointment of Italians in the latest plot to overthrow the government?
It’s a called Italygate, but few know why. Italians, whoever they are, are said to know about some voting machines that could be persuaded to change votes in the last presidential election. To make things sexy, they would have added toys, like military technology and satellites.
Can we swap some things here? First of all, let’s outsource this to Belarus, because it has yet to react to any scandals and has not been named to the international theater of suspects.
Let Italy be associated with gastronomy while Belarusians can play with the spy bugs necessary to make whatever they cook.
Italygate isn’t even a tiny bit real. He needs a script. It’s supposed to be a PowerPoint outline made by an associate of former White House aide Mark Meadows. But he badly needs work. In its current form, it was not even enough for a Meadows associate at the Department of Justice to win a serious investigation.
Italygate illustrates how one small idea can trigger – in a sufficiently fertile mind – a government overthrow. Instead of a big plot to honor an ex-president, we’ll have a series of small events each so small that we won’t notice a thing until it’s over.
On the other hand, it might be easier and less confusing to erect some kind of monument. Put the guy on a horse without a rider and stick him somewhere south of the tidal basin. Let in the Mike Lindells and the other Pillow Guys of the world before you’re done with this. If they later decide he’s been misnamed, that’s not our problem. Fox News can launch a poll on this.
Maybe the next revolution will rise on incrementalism. It will not start with one big outdated lie, but with a mass of little lies. Perhaps a group of state legislatures will start from the bottom and strip voters lists from state voters lists. Next, we’ll watch the resulting egos fight in the courts. We will find ourselves, as now, with red and blue states and maybe even diplomas struggling against competing school texts on US history. We’re still a big tent, aren’t we?
Some leading universities and colleges will offer prizes for the best-designed plan for a plot to take over the country. This will save us some of the goofy theories that we get. We’ll be providing a rogue gallery for side characters like Rudy Giuliani, who was the country’s mayor until he straightened out with messy hair colors. Or Steve Bannon, who needs a title to no longer present himself as if he had just fallen from his horse.
Will the battle for a nation’s soul depend on some brave new idea, or cult of personality, prompting a leader who deftly sneaks up to get vaccinated to stay healthy?
The idea of an incremental revolution is that it might overtake us before we recognize it. It would build on a few big ideas popular with a sufficient number of people while avoiding the divisive social issues that we can isolate in the Supreme Court. He can be successful from the bottom up, rather than the top down, and will avoid tripping over himself so as not to spit on a sex scandal or a lengthy SDNY investigation. The perks of rooting a scandal in the Southern District of New York City are that it is a members-only society and you need to be properly trained for tough political scandals in the Bronx, Queens, etc.
Additionally, Donald Trump hates everything SDNY-related, so he’ll be distracted trying to knock you off your horse. Did we tell him about a monument? We will be launching a podcast or a talk show.
Now back to Italy and Belarus. Italians can be proud to have a “portal” attached to their beautiful national identity. Can Belarusians make desserts?
The writer ([email protected]) is one of the founders of the Aspen Daily News and his column appears here on Sundays.